Magic Dog

Unreal has overwhelmed me. There is a lot to learn, and a lot of good practices I am trying to be mindful of. I am not giving up. But, I am feeling greatly overwhelmed. While a normal amount of feeling overwhelmed is normal, this feeling of overwhelmingness is strong. Programing, Rendering, Lighting, Shadows, and Cameras... its all soooo much. I think part of it is that I have a lot of engrained habits that are hard to break, and Unreal is so vastly different than anything I have worked with. It also doesn't help, that Unreal is complex. While I am learning a lot, I fear that my brain is retaining very little as I find myself revisiting the computer and wondering what the hell I did the night before.

     I have a convention coming up in October but I don't want to go to it. I am disappointed in the lack of work I have done on Machina and Magic , and feel like being there is going to be a waste of time. I hate that this is how I feel about it. Because I do want to go, for the sake of my friends and for myself.      The part that worries me the most, is that I don't want to tell some of my friends I haven't been working on Machina and Magic and have been focusing on videogame stuff. I don't want them to feel like I gave up on them, I just need them to understand I have to switch to something that will make me money in the future. Machina and Magic ain't it.      Please don't view this as me being bitter about my own projects, but... I am pouring out my feelings onto my dev blog so people can see the raw emotion behind all of this.